Lena Wu-Fuentes – Celebrating Women

I met Lena in 2014 at a hell hole of a corporation (though, at the time, I likely didn’t perceive it as such). I emphasize “perceive” because, well, you’ll see.

Lena has one of those souls that any self-respecting soul wants to be near. Her kindness, smile, and giving nature really stood out to me, and I’m grateful we’ve been able to keep in touch even if primarily through social media.

Lena Wu-Fuentes, a Los Angeles native now based in Sacramento, offers thoughtful reflections that beautifully illuminate the rich and diverse spectrum of the collective female experience.

LENA WU-FUENTES

You've got 2 minutes to tell me your life story
How do you respond?

“Who are you and who do you work for?” (jk)

I was born and raised in Los Angeles to immigrant parents. My father was Chinese, my mother is Brazilian, and I am the youngest of three daughters. At 11, I was a fanatic of the boy band, MENUDO, which is why I started learning, and eventually became fluent in Spanish.

I dated my now husband, who is Mexican, for 8 years before getting married and after struggling with fertility issues…..eventually had our only child naturally, but was never able to have another despite 2 years of infertility treatments.

I have been a gym rat, a retail sales person, a corporate sales person, a seamstress, a children’s clothing designer, an import coordinator, and owned a successful children’s apparel company until we were forced to close in 2011, due to the 2008/09 recession. Going back to work for a boss in the private/corporate world was difficult but necessary.

Throughout many stages in my life, both my job and family life have given me the opportunity to visit Honduras, Guatemala, 3 states in Mexico, Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Costa Rica, Canada, Belgium, Germany, and London. I have visited 16 of the 50 states in the US.

My life took an unexpected turn in 2006 when my husband changed career paths and became an elected official for both the State of California and then for the City of Los Angeles.

Being in the public eye ironically makes for a very private and lonely life. In 2016, my life pivoted once again. My husband and I jointly decided to exit the political arena, I quit my job, and we left Los Angeles when he changed careers once more. We moved to Northern CA, leaving life-long friends and family.

We currently live in Sacramento with our American Labrador, Major. I prefer describing us as “Bird launchers” vs “Empty nesters” since launching our daughter off to college last August, to the State of Ohio.

In anticipation of not having an adulting teen at home, I pursued a dream, successfully becoming a children’s book author in January of this year. I am now in marketing and selling mode, 24/7.

What moment shaped your identity as a woman, and how does it influence you today?

I have always felt that a woman’s “superpower” is the ability to grow and birth another human…and it wasn’t until I had fertility issues that I really had to force myself to redefine my own perception of what made women special. It made me search for a deeper meaning and definition of my identity as a woman. I started to pay more attention to myself, validate and acknowledge what I could do vs. what I ‘couldn’t” do in every aspect of my life outside of motherhood. There was a new awareness that the children that WERE in my life would receive the same unconditional love, as the ones that I wished I could have conceived.

Can you share a time when you felt underestimated or overlooked because of your gender, and how you responded to that challenge?

Honestly, I consider myself lucky or perhaps naive. My sisters and I were never told “girls CAN’T do that” ….therefore, if I didn’t get a job, or a promotion, or didn’t make the team….it never dawned on me that it could be because I am a woman.

And perhaps because we did not have brothers, our upbringing never included being compared to a different gender or questioning why we could not do something and a brother could. As a matter of fact, my sister was the first “paperGIRL” in our neighborhood. We were never discouraged on the basis of our gender.

How have perceptions of women changed, and what challenges remain?

Well that depends on what generation, country, city, or neighborhood you are in. It’s quite obvious that society in general has acknowledged that women are capable and able beyond giving birth. We are doctors, soldiers, pilots , lawyers, scientists , directors, athletes, business owners, investors, inventors, entrepreneurs etc. …..and yes we can also give birth whilst being one or more of the list mentioned above.

But because men have not had to evolve and have NEVER had to fight for equal rights or representation in the same way that women have, they may never be able to fully understand how to perceive women fully, and therefore, we will never be able to walk into certain situations feeling like we will not be judged, doubted, undermined, or overlooked.

Unfortunately, for that reason, I believe there will always be barriers for women…..and let’s not be delusional in thinking all women support other women.

What does empowerment mean to you, and how do you foster it in yourself and other women?

Self-confidence defines true empowerment to me. Having self-confidence allows me to try new things even if it’s scary, or unknown, or if there are no guarantees of a positive outcome. It also works if I feel confident that I DON’T want to do something. I have the power to stand my ground.

I believe that any experience that includes some level of discomfort can build self-confidence. I choose not be afraid of discomfort if it arises. If you can “walk through the fire” (whatever that “fire” may be) and get to the other side, you’ve learned that YOU CAN. I never hesitate to cheer for other women and trust that my sincerity fosters mutual respect and encouragement. I hope I can be that “outside voice” to drown out the inner voice that can sometimes create anxiety, doubt, and fear in women.

If you could speak to your younger self, what wisdom or encouragement would you share about womanhood, strength, and self-worth?

Always search for clarity….through clear communication. Never rely on perception or assumptions because you will usually be wrong. You can gain so much by asking questions…about yourself, about others, about situations, so you can walk through life with less doubts about the multitude of decisions you will make. It makes you a stronger, more informed, and confident woman.

I was raised by a mother that was a product of the 30’s 40’s 50’s and 60’s for that matter…..a “stand by your man” mentality. I was never specifically taught to know my own worth…and I don’t remember it being modeled to me at an early age. She always commented on how I looked, or how I “should” look….and manners were VERY important. So for a long time my worth was dependent solely on my appearance, and whether people liked me or not. Unfortunately, I did a lot of what is now labeled as “people pleasing.” It wasn’t until I started working in the 80’s at the age of 15, that my mother advised me to save my money so that I would not be “dependent on a man.” This was the first and only time I was given guidance in respect to how I should make my way in the world as a woman

What woman - either personal or public - comes to mind when you think of a source of inspiration, and why?

There are qualities about my Ma that are inspiring – her bravery to immigrate to America with her husband and two toddlers from South America, her tenacity to get a job to help make ends meet, and her commitment to her health (she is 87 and doesn’t even need to take vitamin supplements!!)

Laura Ginsburg…. She was my parents’ younger neighbor and knew me as a baby. My Father was not close with his siblings and my mom was an only child, so Laura was like an aunt to me. I eventually babysat her kids although she always considered me “Her first baby.”

She married a lawyer and moved to a fancy neighborhood in Sherman Oaks. I would spend many weekends there, spending time, and accompanied her to her acrylic nail appointments. During school breaks she would take me to their second home in Palm Springs.

My parents had wealthy friends, though we lived a very humble, middle class life. I was exposed to families that had more than my family did, but we wanted for nothing. Laura was my gateway to actually living a wealthy lifestyle. Was it actually inspirational? No. But was it influential? Yes.

I hope that doesn’t come off as gross. Becoming rich was not a motivator for me. Being successful is defined many ways, but being exposed to a more elevated lifestyle than one’s own allows us to view other possibilities that are available, if we choose to pursue them.

There are many women in my life who have definitely inspired me. What has dawned on me is that I have been more inspired by how NOT to be and that’s not necessarily negative. I think the art of becoming who we really are includes being aware of who we DO NOT want to be.

"What is perception? POISON."

Lena Wu-Fuentes Tweet

What’s one burden you’d trade for a deeper breath?

I wake up every morning and, in my mind, I say “thank you” to whoever is listening. I guess that would be me. I’m listening. I can’t say when it started but it has become an instinctual habit. Perhaps it’s a way to express gratitude for my life and a reminder that our days are not guaranteed.

But if there is something that I could let go of, it would be to remove the weight of perception, or mistaken perception. If you ask my daughter, “What is perception…?” She will answer: “POISON.” I have drilled that into her head from a very young age. I have tried to guide her to never make assumptions of, or perceive people, prior to getting to know them.

Everyone’s journey is unique and each should be allowed to live it without judgement or expectation forced upon them, so long as they are not intentionally hurtful or disrespectful to others. Is that such a big ask?

Anything else you'd like to share?

Your questions gave me a moment to pause and reflect on myself. As I get older I find myself feeling like time is sand granules in an hourglass that I can’t slow down. It’s a constant simmer and stopping to really answer thoughtfully has taken me down a path of my past that I didn’t realize had so much value in shaping who I am today. Thank you for this Lindsay.

Wow – thank you for all of that, Lena! Your participation in the Celebrating Women series for The Road Linds Travels has added such value and a new perspective that highlights the strikingly beautiful nuances of being a woman today. And thank you for being the reason the question “What’s one burden you’d trade for a deeper breath?” was included in this series.

I am sad I don’t have a photo of us to share so here’s our reminder to change that!

To you, my friend, to sisterhood, to continually striving to be a better version of ourselves today than we were yesterday, to harnessing the energy, courage, and motivation to acknowledge the sand granules without allowing them to paralyze us.

And for those of you who have a lil’ one in your life, and even if you don’t, be sure to check out Sloane Understands, Lena’s children’s book. It’s tangible proof that if we can dream it, we can achieve it. Clichés exist for a reason—they often carry a granule or, in this case, several granules of truth.

Linds

Los Angeles, California